Who am I?

  • I am 32 years old.
  • I live, work, and date in Ottawa.
  • I sometimes sleep with 20 year old women (though this is less a specific preference than a matter of recent opportunities).
  • I’m not opposed to threesomes.
  • I do not guarantee cab fare.
  • I curl a lot. Yes, I said curl. And yes I said a lot. But I generally do not date curlers (though I occasionally sleep with them).
  • It’s been pointed out to me that I talk too much, kiss too quickly, and don’t say “no” very often. I cannot dispute any of these statements.
  • I don’t have the Internet at home, nor do I own a television. However, I do own three typewriters.
  • Despite the usual tribulations and setbacks, I’m still in love with idea of love.
  • I’ve fallen recklessly in love three times so far.
  • I’ve attended far too many funerals over the past couple of years.
  • I know how to tie a bow tie, though I rarely have occasion to prove it.
  • I know how to change a tire.
  • I know how to sew a button, which is a useful skill. An even more useful skill was learning to pay a tailor three dollars to do it for me.
  • I plan to set foot on every continent, including Antarctica. Perhaps especially Antarctica.
  • The world is definitely not black and white.
  • I made my first $100 as a writer when I was 16, and have been ruined for any other career ever since.
  • There are too many assholes in the world and so I strive, with varying results, not to be one too.
  • I believe it takes a lot of courage to grow up and be who you are.
  • I’ve been shot at.
  • I have officiated a wedding. I have also been a best man, but being an officiant was way cooler.
  • My all-time favourite movie remains “The Princess Bride.”
  • I listen to far too much Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, and Warren Zevon and will quote lines from their songs to you if you let me.
  • I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
  • Oh, and if anyone out there happens to know a wicked smart, crazy beautiful, utterly hilarious, adventurous, passionate gal who has a huge heart, can make me laugh my ass off, can blow my mind with a kiss, is that rare and precious confluence of beauty and charisma and charm, is simultaneously ebullient, happy, and bullshit-intolerant, is mostly ordinary but just a little extraordinary… well, please tell her to look me up. I’ve been looking for her absolutely everywhere.
  • When all seems hopeless: whiskey, words, and women…

4 Responses to Who am I?

  1. Eddie says:


    You are simply amazing! Funny, intelligent, talented, and so-entertaining! Everyone’s life is better with you being part of it!

    Stay gold. 🙂

  2. novelnaive says:

    On principle, I should not like you. If you had used numbers instead of bullets, I would direct you to my concerns in your above profile, but mostly, you I am concerned that you don’t have a TV??? And “The Princess Bride”, huh? Well, despite all that, I chuckled, and I appreciate writing that makes me chuckle. As for that misplaced woman, unless you are ready to pick up residency in another country, I can’t help you.

  3. Mike Cameron says:

    I find your Who Am I page quite lacking.
    The Jeff I remember could do jumping backward breakfalls, liked Bono to the point one might call a crush, was able to recite the Matrix word for word, did a mean Dr. Evil impersonation, and for a while sold over priced kitchen utensils.
    Your blog here is great Jeff. I can’t wait for recollections from the Hamilton era. If you haven’t yet checked off Asia from your list of continents to visit, you have an open invitation at your (in)convenience.

  4. lol your post is curious and intriguing…. want to hear more…. 🙂

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